We Are All Just a Bunch of Walking Heads


Meditation was very interesting to partake in. There actually was a lot of new students at the class so I wonder if this feeling of directionless and stress is going around. The one thing about meditation is trying to be more aware of how your body changes in response to your thoughts. Those feeling of anxiety and depression change the way you breathe, how your muscles tense, and many other things. Sometimes you just need to be an observer of what is happening to you instead of being so caught up in the brain and thoughts. This is something I really need to work on. My destructive emotions are unchecked and running amok. My biggest is being guilt and shame with a mix of depression. I do not feel like I do enough for people and I am always letting people down. I keep pushing myself to be better, to be perfect, and hold myself to these incredibly high standards that quickly come crashing down as soon as I mess up (which I am bound to do because hello, I am human). This goes the same with weight loss. I am either super strict or I am sabotaging myself. It is very hard for me to be in the middle which is something I really want to improve on.

Anyway it is Monday so that means weekly goals! Here we go:

  1. Weigh in on Friday. Be down to 204.
  2. Run 3x this week.
  3. Ride my horse 3x this week.
  4. Despite it being my birthday week, have sugary sweets in moderation.
  5. Keep the blogging up, yo!

That’s right. You heard it. My birthday falls on Labor Day this year so I get a 3-Day weekend in my honor. You’re welcome. I really have no plans in the works besides the Taylor Swift shin-dig on Sunday so if you have any ideas of fun birthday activities to do, let me know! It might include visiting a vineyard, going on a 40 mile bike ride, visiting a mountain town (though they are probably going to be packed for the weekend). I am kind of bummed I did not realize Frontier was having such AMAZING deals on travel. I would have booked a $20 ticket to Vegas. Ah well, maybe next year. I know I want a balance of exploring as well as relaxing as chilling. Which is a hard thing for me to do (again with the whole all or nothing balance thing). So give me your ideas.

What is your week looking like?

What is an emotion you want to focus on accepting and leaving your body?

How many licks does it take to get to a center of a tootsie pop? Curious minds want to know!

Meanwhile, stare at this picture. Doesn’t it just make you feel inspired? This is definitely one of my favorite places.



Goals, Weight Loss, and Hiking…


A lot of self-realization happened during the hiking excursion on Sunday. Climbing the mountain was going to be my progress report on how far I have come fitness wise, but then we never reached the top of the mountain. We saw it from the ground, we walked around the mountain, but we just never made it to the top… but we did make progress! It was not what we first intended, but it was still something and the memories made in those moments were absolutely priceless. So here is a list of what I learned on the Hike NOT Up Barren Mountain:

1. Goals are Good for Guidance, But Don’t Beat Yourself Up if You Don’t Reach It. My goal was to climb up Barren Mountain. This goal helped form a group of awesome people who also wanted to go hiking and also got me heading out to explore the great outdoors. Things did not go as planned, but I faced my fears of crossing over rickety bridges and also let myself just have a good time. Goals are not always going to be reached when you want them too, but every step towards a goal is a step in the right direction.

2. Support Groups are Priceless. Having a group of positive friends surrounding you as you try to achieve something is wonderful. They help to keep you focused but also to keep you uplifted when you feel like giving up. As we were trumping through the mud, I was afraid everyone was having a horrible time and maybe we should just leave. Instead, everyone was laughing and making jokes… and we ended up seeing some beautiful sights because no one in the group wanted to give up.

3. The Journey is just as important as the Destination. So many times we just get focused about the end of the journey. Once we reach the goal, everything will be awesome… but we end up missing wonderful moments in-between the now and the end. Don’t let the goal be the only thing on your mind. Enjoy all the small changes because those small changes are probably actually a lot more bigger than you realize.

4. It is Good to be Prepared, but also fun to be Spontaneous. My fiance and I definitely thought we had this all figured out. Follow road. Hike Mountain. How hard could it be? In hindsight, we probably should have done more preparation but it ended up being more fun (at least for me) to just try to figure things out as I go along. This can be dangerous with hiking… and therefore we never went away from any trails… but it was fun to see where roads would take us. The same can go for weight loss… it is good to be prepared and have a set plan in motion, but don’t let this keep you from being a little spontaneous every once and awhile!


So that is my list of what I learned while hiking. Now I need to address some other things…

My goals from last week! So, I kind of failed a little bit. My goals for last week were to go horseback riding 4 times, do my workout DVD 3 times, and then run 5k 2 times. This is what happened instead… I did achieve my horseback riding goal (score!), ran 4 miles, did not do the work out DVD, and hiked about 3 miles? maybe 4? It was a lot of walking though and I should have kept better track. Oh well! It was still a lot of exercise last week and I am down a pound! Only one more pound to go until I do a big giveaway! Ok, it is not that big… but it is a giveaway! So yay!

Anyway, I know it is in the middle of the week… but this is what I am looking at to achieve:

1. Horseback ride at least once this week (it is a really busy week with bad weather forecast over the weekend so we shall see…)

2. Do my work out DVD twice this week.

3. Run 2 miles.

Also, I am going to be moving my mom into a new apartment so that will also be considered some good exercise… so it is not as light of a week as it actually looks.

I need to lose one more pound this week to reach my goal for the end of May. 50 pounds! Halfway mark. I can do this!

Almost Victory! But A Weekend of Glory


I am so close to officially losing 40 pounds that it hurts. I look at the scale and I am physically pained. If I had lost just 2 more ounces, it would have been official, but alas… no. I keep gaining and losing the same pound over again. My body (aka my mind) is just afraid of making that leap into the forty pound weight loss… so this is going to be the week where I push myself harder and track my calories a little bit better than I have been (I can be such a slacker…). I know I have become somewhat complacent because I am feeling better about myself. I need to tell myself that just because I feel awesome does not mean that piece of chocolate or brownie sundae is going to make the awesome feeling even better (even though it did taste amazing and it had been SO long… I did share, though!)

This weekend was still incredible even if it did not translate on the scale. Friday, I went horse back riding, and I am finally at a point where I feel amazing and more confident than I have in a very long time. I was even able to go riding outside instead of just in an inclosed/indoor arena (that’s where I feel more safe if I were to fall off). I loved it. I had not felt that good about riding in a very long time. Saturday was an off day for me. The climate changes always throw me off so when it has been really chilly and then suddenly launches into the higher 60’s/low 70’s, I get really bad headaches. Not sure why but it has been happening for a long time. So I ended up just relaxing and napping…. we did have a barbeque that night but I did very well as to not eat too much. I had a lean meat burger made with all natural beef (wow, you can really tell the difference. It was more expensive but worth it to know the cows were not given any chemicals and hormones) on a whole wheat bun, one slice of thin cut cheese, a small spoonful of pasta salad and potato salad. The one thing I did eat a little too much of was this Ambrosia salad that the upstairs neighbors make (excuse me as I drool over the memory). It is a fabulous warm weather dessert. My excuse for having that extra spoonful of it was that it does have fruit in it (don’t mind the marshmallows and such…).

Sunday was the best day overall. My fiance and I met up with a friend for lunch where we had delicious sandwiches. I had what is called a “Greca” which consists of roasted eggplant, roasted red peppers, red onion, fresh mozzarella, and I added pesto to it all on homemade whole grain bread. It was absolutely delicious. I split a small iced mocha latte with the fiance because we both have been there before and know how sweet their mocha lattes are (and therefore probably a lot of calories). Also, I am sorry I did not take pictures more often… I really need to do that. I think my posts would be more interesting… Anyway! Before I get too side tracked, back to Sunday. After lunch, we decided to go walking on the trails in a forest near by. We ended up meeting up with another friend there unexpectedly with his adorable black lab and spent about 2 hours walking the trails together… we ended up walking 4 to 5 miles? I am not quite sure, but it was an absolutely wonderful day. I did not have to sit down and rest at all like I had to do last year when the fiance and I checked out the trails for the first time and had no idea where we were going (I almost never made it out of those woods). The four of us then went out to get drinks at a local restaurant where I drank 1 and a half glasses of lemonade and then split that brownie sundae and also munched on some sweet potato fries. That’s all I had for the rest of the night for food, though.

After we parted ways, the fiance and I went clothes shopping since our clothes were getting SUPER baggy and we needed some new summer clothes for our trip out to California/Colorado (16 days away!). It was amazing to know that I have dropped 3 pant sizes! Also, I can wear Capri pants. I have never been able to wear those! My calves were always too big, but that is no longer the case. I am so excited! That made for a great ending to the weekend.

As soon as we got home, I quickly crashed in exhaustion. Once again, I really wish I had pictures but I am a slacker. I will do better in the future. Promise!

Goals this week…

1. Drink more H20.

2. Lots of H20.

3. Watch calories more closely. No more estimating.

4. Push myself that little extra every day when I exercise.

5. Take more pictures.

6. Continue feeling joy.

What are your goals for the week?